![]() ![]() When the future is dark, you feel terrible about yourself, and can barely shower, your sex life (and erectile function) will likely suffer.Ĭhronic worries can dampen an erection. Sexual energy is also undermined by depression. Making it to work is a huge accomplishment. Depression, Anxiety & OCD (and the medications to treat them)ĭepression zaps people of energy and vitality. A man may feel he can’t be honest, but his penis will speak the truth.Ĥ. The inability to be authentic can stand in the way of sexual, emotional, and psychological health and satisfaction. Living a secret life takes a toll not only on one’s sexual function, but also on one’s overall mental health and quality of life. Some trans clients report that they fantasize about being a woman, but the inevitable reality of their biological male status renders them impotent. Homoerotic men share that they try to fantasize about having sex with a man but it is not enough. The problem is that their fantasy life does not match their reality. So they attempt to engage in traditional, conventional sexual relations. Or they fear their family or religion will disown them if they are openly gay or trans. ![]() ‘On the Down Low’ or Secret Gender ConflictĪlthough LGBT rights have come a long way, many guys in their 20’s are still afraid to ‘come out.’ They want a conventional lifestyle. Their emotional and sexual development stopped when they starting partying.ģ. They don’t know how to relate and be present without hiding behind chemicals. I’ve treated hundreds of guys in recovery who discover that they can’t keep an erection because it feels too intimate. ![]() They have literally never had sex without being under the influence of alcohol and/or drugs. Alcohol undermines sexual function, especially the arousal phase.Īlso, it is not uncommon for men to report that they have never had sober sex. It might provide ‘liquid courage,’ but it is not a friend of the penis. There are many young adults who don’t feel comfortable in social situations without a drink in their hand. Alcohol has a disinhibiting effect that allows men and women to be more social. When the reality of sexual inhibition and rigid repertoires come crashing down, it can leave young men without adequate stimulation to get and stay hard.Īnother explanation for young male ED stems from alcohol abuse. Some men expect women to look a certain way, respond a certain way, and be receptive to any and all sexual behaviors. They become experts at getting themselves off. They know just how much pressure and speed to use to extend their arousal and how much to use when they are ready to ejaculate. When guys rely on porn to have an orgasm, they become extremely efficient at responding to their own touch. When you’ve watched anal rape, sex with horses and dogs, enema porn, girl on girl, ‘squirters’, lactation porn, simulated child porn, threesomes, and the ‘money shot’ hundreds (or more likely, thousands of times) by the time you are 14 or 15 ‘vanilla’ sex may lack the flavor you need to achieve and sustain arousal. ![]() Witnessing endless combinations of sexual behaviors may leave boys with arousal templates that make it difficult to respond to more conventional, loving sexual interactions. American children now begin consuming hardcore pornography at an average age of 11. They got the bulk of their sex ed in the locker room and explored masturbation in ‘circle jerks’ around the campfire at Boy Scout campouts. If they were a true friend, they even stole one to share with their buddies.If they were really lucky, they ‘struck gold’ by finding something more hardcore, like Penthouse or Hustler. They knew where their dad or uncle stashed the goods. In the 1980’s and before, boys typically saw their first naked pictures of women in Playboy Magazine. What’s going on? Why can’t young men ‘keep it up?’ While the more mature crowd has new-found confidence thanks to Viagra, Levitra, and Cialis, it’s the younger guys who are struggling to perform. Now, I treat men in their 20’s and 30's who can’t get (or keep) an erection. When I started my career as a sex therapist in the early 1990’s, erectile dysfunction was an ‘older man’s’ concern. ![]()
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